Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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