names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
