I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
