accomplished twins. life is a go
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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