Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
