my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
