i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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