rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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