i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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