His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
