Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
