just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
