dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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