I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
