you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
