do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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