she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
