Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
