turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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