apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
