dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
