I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
