mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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