i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
