So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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