She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
