Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
