my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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