i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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