yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
