Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sobbing to NWA
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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