Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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