Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
