dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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