I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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