You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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