someone get that fucking seahorse.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
