I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
NoShamevember. You game?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
