Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
