Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
