You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
