I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
