This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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