My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
