is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
