Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
