just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
