Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
