I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
