nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
